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The Professionals

Grudge Match
Grudge Match
Episode Guide
Meet The Capri
Agent Profiles

The Ultimate Cult TV Show Grudge Match


Bodie of The Professionals VS Captain James T. Kirk of Star Trek!


Age: 34
Height: 5'11''
Weight: 180lbs
Occupation: Fearless Starship Captain, birdchaser, shoot-em-up hero
Special skills: Space Age Kung Fu, phaser weapons, tactical thinker
Weaknesses: A bit chubby at times


Age: 28
Height: 6'00''
Weight: 175lbs
Occupation: Hard man intelligence agent, birdpuller, rubber burner
Special skills: Expert marksman, expert in Judo and Kung Fu, able to tell sick jokes, very fast driver
Weaknesses: Not interested in anything that doesn't interest him

This is just a laugh thought up by me and James Holohan over a few beers!
Kirk and Bodie spy each other in a bar, and recognising each other go to the bar for a beer. After a few have gone down, Bodie makes a sick joke in regards to Kirk's fluctuating weight to which Kirk replies that Bodie is a 'thickhead.' After being dragged away by Doyle, Bodie inists on getting revenge, as does Kirk after Bones and Spock pull him off.
Doyle contacts Spock and arranges a punch up to be staged in a neutral area so the two heroes can duke it out!
Bodie screeches to a stop in his Capri. He jumps out, pulls his pistol and rolls over the bonnet. Kirk beams down simultaneously and sees Bodie. Kirk somehow manages to dodge Bodie's shooting long enough to lift himself into the air and deliver his patented flying leg kick into Bodie's chest. With Bodie flying backwards Kirk lands kicking Bodie's pistol away.
Bodie rolls to one side and jumps on Kirk, judo flipping him and delivering a good smack in the face. Calling on his SAS training, Bodie tries to deliver a Karate chop to Kirk's shoulder. Kirk blocks the bow and sidekicks Bodie in the back of the knees. The two roll around in the dirt clawing and punching each other. Eventually Kirk drags Bodie up and punches upwards into Bodie's guts, unable to draw breath Bodie staggers back as Kirk takes him down with an off-the-rock-flying-clothesline!
The impact of the shoulder-on-chest strike makes Kirk fall to one side, letting Bodie recover who takes advantage and rains Kung Fu sidekicks and roundkicks onto Kirk. Kirk blocks a few of the kicks but not all, leaving him slightly the worse for wear.
Kirk remembers that Spock tried to teach him the Vulcan Nerve Pinch, and thinking it may be wise to try it trips Bodie up and holds him in a full nelson while attemting to pinch Bodie. It doesn't work, Bodie flips Kirk over him and the battle continues.
Kick rains several hammer blows into Bodie's face, giving him a bloodied nose and split lip, before Kirk kicks Bodie in the ribs sending him down. Bodie rallies and rugby tackles Kirk to the ground proceeding to deliver some of his own punches to Kirk's countenance. Kirk knees Bodie in the groin and kicks the C I 5 man off himself. As he gets up to have another go Bodie grabs the captain in a necklock, ripping Kirk's shirt as it usually does. Kirk struggles and manages to free his arms before reaching up and behind and poking Bodie in the eyes. Struggling for breath, James T. Kirk uppercuts Bodie sending him crashign into the dirt on his back. The C I 5 agent struggles to see his opponent until the last moment. He thrust his legs out kicking Kirk in the stomoch. Both winded, the two men glare at each other and then smile.
''Pretty good punch up,'' says Bodie.
''Yes, I'm impressed,'' replies Kirk 
As the pair argue with each other, the judge declares.....